Thursday, July 7, 2011

Casey Anthony Loses One Job Offer

Casey Anthony, who was recently cleared of killing her young daughter Caylee, has one fewer tawdry get-rich-quick opportunity.

Just yesterday, porn kingpin Steve Hirsch, co-chairman of XXX company Vivid Entertainment, reached out to Anthony’s attorney with an offer of a “business relationship.”

So dignified. Like the way hookers call their johns “clients” to give something soul-crushing an air of class and sophistication.

“Whether you agree with the verdict or not, Casey will want to move forward with her life and has a right to make a living. It’s not going to be easy for her and we believe we can help her make the transition into a new life,” Hirsch told TMZ with a straight face, making it sound as though the accused murderer is a Haitian refugee.

But that was yesterday. And as we all know, a day to a pornstar is like a year to the rest of us. (Fast livin’ takes its toll, y’all.)

Hirsch has now rescinded the offer, again telling TMZ, “We were ready to make an offer to Casey to star in one of our feature films. It’s clear to me now, however, that there has been an overwhelmingly negative response to our offer and so we’ve decided to withdraw it. We now believe that we underestimated the emotional response that people are having to the verdict. A movie starring Casey Anthony is not what people want to see.

Apparently lots of guys who watch porn are dads who would’ve found it hard to, you know, “take Herman to the circus” while watching a woman who almost certainly disposed of her child only because the kid was cramping her style and making her late to parties.

It’s kinda sweet, really, that so many of them raised such a fuss about it in between debating the merits of silicone vs. saline and stocking up on Kleenex.

But that’s hardly the end of Casey’s potential road to riches. Experts have told PopEater that some agents, anxious for a piece of the rancid and tasteless pie, are circling Anthony like so many sharks during surfing season.

“While she may have escaped jail time she is far from free. Her lawyers fees have, I’m sure, stacked up, that coupled with a personality that for sure is seeking fame and attention will I’m sure drive her to a Playboy layout (quick money) or a reality show,” says Talent Executive Lori Levine, founder of talent booking and brokering firm Flying Television.

For its part, Playboy is staying mum right now, what with Hugh Hefner being a little busy interviewing twins and blonde fetuses to replace his recently-departed fiancee.

But then Ms. Levine went on suggest something so surreal that I had to read it twice to be sure I’d understood it correctly: “What I’d really love to see is a ‘walk and talk’ interview between Anthony and Kate Gosselin. Its not so far fetched; Casey Anthony can not handle a hard nosed interview with Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer or Katie Couric. She needs someone who can lob her soft balls while she makes some bank to pay for her legal bills and the inevitable partying we know this little girl loves so much.”

Well, sure! Because what would be a more natural fit than a woman with eight kids interviewing a chick who snuffed her toddler?

What’s Gosselin going to say? Yeah, you know, sometimes I really want to kill my kids too. So tell me, what finally pushed you over the edge? Was it the crying? God how I hate the crying. Or was it the incessant neediness? It’s always ME ME ME with kids, eh?

And then they’d laugh and laugh and clink their glasses of Merlot in a show of mutual understanding.

At least HollywoodLife Senior Editor Chris Spargo seems in touch with reality. “After Casey makes her money — and she should try and do it quick — she should head to Europe, Australia, Canada. Just get out of the US as quick as possible. She will never be able to have a life again in this country.”

Oh, I don’t know. Given what the Octomom reportedly said about her own eleventymillion kids recently, maybe she’ll offer Casey Anthony a job as a nanny.

No comments:

Post a Comment