Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Jesse James and Kat Von D Break Up

Jesse James says he and heavily-tatted reality star Kat Von D have called off their engagement and gone their separate ways.

”I’m so sad because I really love her. The distance between us was just too much,” James told People.

By “distance” he means between his home in Austin, Texas and hers in Los Angeles, but come on — traveling is easy when you have the kind of jack they do. And much as Texas likes to think it’s another country, it’s actually not. You don’t need a passport to get in or anything (just maybe proof of citizenship if you look vaguely ethnic and some asshole wants to harass you about taking away a job he’d never do anyway). So I call shenanigans.

Since at least one half of this particular celebrity couple is rather, shall we say, “fidelity-challenged,” it likely won’t be long before some skank is on the cover of the Enquirer saying she banged Jesse while he wore a Gestapo uniform and had phone sex with Kat and then he’ll go on Howard Stern to talk about it because discretion is for chumps, yo.

Distance? Whatever. With Jesse’s track record, “douchebaggery” is probably more like it.

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