Saturday, July 2, 2011

No One Wants Michele Bachman to Use Their Music

After Tom Petty served GOP presidential candidate (and Tea Party darling) Michele Bachmann with a cease and desist order, demanding she quit using his song “American Girl” during campaign stops, Katrina & The Waves had a little something to say as well.

In a statement on its website, the group said, “Katrina & The Waves would like it to be known that they do not endorse the use of ‘Walking On Sunshine’ by Michele Bachmann and have instructed their lawyers accordingly.”

Lead singer Katrina Leskanich then sent a statement to Rolling Stone denouncing Bachmann further: “The song is used in commercials and movies as a vehicle for a feel good moment or empowerment but if I disagree with the policies, opinions or platforms for its use, I’ve no choice but to try and defend the song and prevent its misuse.”

The pinwheel-eyed Bachmann hasn’t said anything about the affronts (and probably won’t), but in the spirit of bi-partisanship, I set out to find Republican songwriters who might be willing to let her use their music without complaint.

After an exhaustive search, here’s what I came up with:

1. Most country artists (but not all — for the love of God, Michele, don’t play a single note of a Dixie Chicks song or Natalie Maines will snap off the neck of a fiddle and shank you with it)
2. Ted Nugent

So, yeah. There you go. That’s pretty much it.

In order to avoid the potential landmines of choosing the wrong country artist, I bet Teddy would take a break from his busy schedule of saying misogynistic things and shooting defenseless animals with a bow and arrow long enough to open his catalog to her.

Imagine the possibilities! She could start wearing kitty ears and a tail to her rallies and adopt “Cat Scratch Fever.” Or don a Catholic schoolgirl uniform and stroll out to the dulcet tones of “Jailbait.”

Or she could always just stay true to herself. And go with “Little Miss Dangerous.”

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